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Vastreader Funny Hilarious Jokes

We have got the reason to make to laugh with our new collection of very funny new jokes so read, share, enjoy and never forget to live the present life.. Cheers

I wonder why Santa is always a Male

Simple.. because woman never wears the same dress every year!!yoohooo

My promised goal for new year 2018 is to complete the goals of 2017 which I should have done in 2016 because I promised them in 2015 and they were originally planned in 2014,,

Good luck to me,,,

History is proof is that whenever new year came - it could not stay live more than 1 YEAR..

I've got an idea that I gonna order pizza just 5 minute before new year and when they will deliver, I will claim free pizza as I ordered last year..!!

Hey Bro.. where we gonna sit on 31st..?

What do you call a old snowman?

Water??

More than million copies sold just in 2 day due to one word typo error...

"An Idea Can Change Your Wife..."

I will bring bride like a moon..

AND she will show you stars in daytime..

Oh Shit...

I don't have new year eve plan.. YET

My New Year Resolution:

I need to be more awesome than last year!

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Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication

Here we are bringing most funny jokes ever to guaranty your laughter. You can share these jokes with anybody, anytime and these are good to start a nice discussion. One more thing that we should not take life so seriously because no one could escape live at the end

Here you go:

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication
Late night chat..

Girl: Ok, bye, mom is shouting..

Boy: Say your dad that do it slowly..

BLOCKED......................

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication
Girl: How I was looking today..

Boy: You don't need a makeup..

Girl: then?

Boy: Plastic surgery..

OVER.......

Do you drink regularly or occasionally?

Me: Occasionally ut occasions come regularly..

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication
I text my friends and said that I lost my phone, please call me..

15 people called me...

OMG.. I need smarter and clever friends...

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication
When there is earthquake...

Do Not Panic..

1st .. Update status on Fb/Whatsapp..

2nd: after 1st step, if you get time,, come outside of home..

3rd: take a selfie with crowd and upload on social media and say... enjoying earthquake..

Never make your girlfriend CRY.

Because - Million flirty guys are waiting for wipe her tears..

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication
Boy: I love you

Girl: I already have a boyfriend

Boy: Sell him on OLX because old has to go only then new will come..

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication

Boy on fuel station: Please fill for USD 0.1

Salesman: wow, with that much of oil where will you go?

Boy: nowhere - we just waste our money like this..hahaha

Jokes about Husband and Wife Communication

What kinds of short do cloud wear?

Thunder-wear...

You Are My Victim

Hi, my prеy.

THIS IS MY LAST WARNING!

I write you since I put a virus on the web site with pornography which you have viewed.
My trojan cаptured all yоur privаtе datа аnd switchеd on your camеrа which rесorded thе act оf your solitаry sеx. Just аftеr thаt the trоjаn savеd yоur cоntaсt list.
I will еrаsе the сomрrоmising video records аnd informatiоn if yоu send me 550 EURO in bitcoin.

This is аddress for pаyment : 127fnd1eojhha6ym6uXhhYkphvgY3AMTcU

I givе yоu 30 hоurs аfter yоu opеn my message for making the payment.
Аs sоon as yоu rеad the mеssаge I'll seе it right awаy.
It is nоt nеcеssary to tеll mе that you hаvе sent money to me. This address is cоnneсtеd to yоu, my systеm will еrаsеd аutomаticаlly аfter transfer соnfirmatiоn.
If you need 48h just Ореn thе calсulatоr on your dеsktоp аnd press +++
If you dоn't раy, I'll send dirt to all your cоntасts.
Let me remind you-I sеe whаt yоu'rе dоing!
You саn visit the police оfficе but аnybody cаn't hеlр you.
If you try tо decеivе me , I'll knоw it immеdiаtеly!
I dоn't live in yоur country. So anyоnе can nоt trасk my lосation еvеn fоr 9 months.
byе. Don't forgеt about the shаmе and to ignorе, Yоur life cаn be ruinеd.

JUST FUN

DON'T BELIEVE IN IT.

Elephants Play Hide and Seek Lyrics

Once there lived an ant and an elephant. They were close friends and one day, they were playing the game hide and seek. Now the first chance was for the ant to search the elephant and the ant saw the elephants under the tree.

Then it was the chance for the elephants to search the ant. The elephant searched everywhere but it could not find.

The ant was hiding in mosque and was praying and the elephants went up to the mountains and know that the ant was in the temple.

Funny Story: Ant and Elephant Play Hide and Seek

The door was closed, the window was also closed. Not even a hole was there. Then how the elephant did know the ant was in the temple…….?.

Answer:
Since Muslims leave the slippers outside the mosque the ant too left its slippers outside the mosque.

QUESTION: How many legs does an elephant have?
ANSWER: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

QUESTION: Why did the elephant cross the road?
ANSWER: Chicken's day off.

QUESTION: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
ANSWER: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)

QUESTION: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
ANSWER: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

QUESTION: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
ANSWER: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

QUESTION: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
ANSWER: 2 in the front and 2 in the back

QUESTION: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
ANSWER: Can't get the fridge door closed.

QUESTION: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
ANSWER: There's a VW parked outside it.

QUESTION: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
ANSWER: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!

QUESTION: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
ANSWER: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.

QUESTION: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
ANSWER: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

QUESTION: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
ANSWER: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

QUESTION: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
ANSWER: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.

QUESTION: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
ANSWER: Depends on the number of elephants.

QUESTION: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?
ANSWER: The sun roof.

QUESTION: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
ANSWER: They were stuck in the VW.

QUESTION: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?
ANSWER: None, the elephants are in there!

QUESTION: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
ANSWER: Optimistic!

QUESTION: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
ANSWER: Free Parking.

QUESTION: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
ANSWER: Sole use of the elevator.

QUESTION: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
ANSWER: It's bike is outside.

QUESTION: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
ANSWER: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

QUESTION: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
ANSWER: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

QUESTION: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
ANSWER: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

QUESTION: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

QUESTION: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
ANSWER: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

QUESTION: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
ANSWER: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

QUESTION: Why do elephants wear sandals?
ANSWER: So that they don't sink in the sand.

QUESTION: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
ANSWER: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

QUESTION: How do you make a dead elephant float?
ANSWER: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

QUESTION: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
ANSWER: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

QUESTION: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
ANSWER: Parachute him from an airplane.

QUESTION: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
ANSWER: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

QUESTION: What is a furry alligator?
ANSWER: A bear that went into the woods at 3 o'clock.

QUESTION: Why do ducks have flat feet?
ANSWER: From stamping out forest fires.

QUESTION: Why do elephants have flat feet?
ANSWER: From stamping out flaming ducks.

QUESTION: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
ANSWER: To fit on lily pads.

QUESTION: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
ANSWER: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

QUESTION: Why are frogs so short?
ANSWER: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

QUESTION: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
ANSWER: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..")

QUESTION: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
ANSWER: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

QUESTION: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
ANSWER: No? Well, it must work.

QUESTION: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
ANSWER: They're all on the same team.

QUESTION: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?
ANSWER: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.

QUESTION: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
ANSWER: Take away his credit card.

QUESTION: Why do elephants have trunks?
ANSWER: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

QUESTION: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
ANSWER: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).

QUESTION: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
ANSWER: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".

QUESTION: What do you give a seasick elephant?
ANSWER: Lots of room.

QUESTION: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
ANSWER: A dead ant.

QUESTION: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ANSWER: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

QUESTION: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
ANSWER: An elephant with spare parts

QUESTION: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
ANSWER: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

QUESTION: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
ANSWER: Smokey the Elephant.

QUESTION: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
ANSWER: You miss most of the picture!

QUESTION: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
ANSWER: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

QUESTION: How many elephants can you fit into a Mercedes?
ANSWER: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

QUESTION: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
ANSWER: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!

QUESTION: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
ANSWER: Cinderelephant.

Hemant : How does an elephant go up a tree?
Sunil: It stands on a corn and waits for it to grow.

A Teacher asked the students of a class that, what is the meaning of dev & devi?
A Student Replied: Kapil Dev & Sri Devi

Once an ant and elephant were going on a new scooter. They met with an accidant.The elephant was died but ant was alive. Why?
Because ant was wearing a helmate.

How does an elephant go on holiday?
He takes a jumbo jet!

Why did the elephant paint his nails red?
So that he could hide in the cherry tree!
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?
No? That's because he hides himself so well!

QUESTION: Which gate can we eat?
ANSWER: Colgate.

Once there was an elephant walking on the edge of a valley,full of water.The elephant fell into the water.So,what is the first thing he will do?
Ans- Get wet!!

Once an ant was on her way to a restaurant on a scooter,on the way she meets a elephant who asks her to give him a lift,she tells him to sit at the back.
----------while they were travelling, they meet another elephant asking for a lift, but the ant refuses, why???
Ans:Traffic rules say,three persons not allowed on 1 scooter.

Once some hunters were after an elephant. The elephant didn't know what to do. He met his friend, ant on the road.he told ant his problem.
She said: "Don't worry. Just hide behind me!!! "

Two elephants one elephant was a male and another female. The female entered the bus and the male did not enter it why?
because it was a ladies bus

An elephant and ant were friends. They decided to go to swimming. They went to a swimming pool but when the ant swims the elephant sits and when elephant swims the ant sits. Why?
Ans: Because they have only one swimming costume

Once the ant is swimming and the elephant rushes to the swim pool and requests the ant to come out. As soon as the ant comes out, the elephant asks her to go back. Why? Because he wanted to check if the ant was wearing his swim suit!!!

QUESTION: Why Did the Elephant Hide behind the Strawberry bush?
ANSWER: The elephant and the ant were playing hide and seek.

Boy- Sir, My nose is running.
Teacher- Well, chase it!

once the ant and the elephant were playing hide n seek game It was elephant's turn to catch the ant but the ant was caught .she was hiding in the temple Then the ant asked how he came to know that she was hiding in the temple ,then he replied that he saw her sandals lying outside

Dog:Where are you going?
Ant:My rakhi brother the elephant has met with an accident.Since we have the same blood group,I am going to donate some blood for him.

How can an elephant sit in the car in three steps?
Simple,open the door ,sits in the car and close the door.

Once an elephant and ant loved each other and were getting married without tell their mothers.they were getting married in a temple and they say the elephant mother walking in, so the ant says-hide behind me

Once 2 men went for an interview. the first was intelligent and he otter was foolish.
The 1st man was called to the manager office. The manager asked him
"who was the 1st prime minister of India?" he said " Javharlal Nehru "
the 2nd question was when did India get freedoom?" he said 1947 .
The 3rd question was "is there life on Mars?" he said scientists are still researching".
He was happy with his answers.
The foolish man had been hearing all this. It was his chance.
The manager asked him "what is your name?"
the foolish man said Javaharlal Nehru.
the 2nd quetion was" when were you born?" he said 1947 ".
The 3rd question was "are you male or a female he said “scientists are still researching"

An elephant married a mousquito.At night mosquito ran away. Why?
Because elephant had turned on the good night mat.

One day an elephant was crying and an ant came to him and said, "Why are you crying?"
He replied that a friend of ant's has stolen his sleepers.

Teacher:HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT AN ELEPHANT IS GOING ON HOLIDAYS.
Student:IT PACKS ITS TRUNK.

What kind of elephants live in Antartica ?
Cold ones!

Ram: “Can this parrot talk?”
Shopkeeper: “Yes ! it repeats everything it hears.”
(after a few days, at the pet shop)
Ram: “This parrot cannot speak at all!! You said it repeats whatever it hears.”
Shopkeeper: “I know! This is because it is deaf!!!”
Animals

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INDIAN AND AFRICAN ELEPHANTS?
ANS ABOUT 3000 MILES

The teacher gave a lot of homework to the class. so one boy asked,"teacher, its too much! can we take a day off?".
The teacher replied,"no! i don't know anything. you must do the homework."
finally, the student answered,"teacher, if you don't know anything, why do you teach us?".

Once a man was going in his car and suddenly he crashed with a very fat lady who was a weight lifting champion.
The lady got very angry and asked the man to come out of the car. She made a circle around the man and asked him not to step out of the circle.
She began to break the car now. When she was breaking the car she looked back and saw that the man was laughing. The same thing happened thrice. Then she very angrily asked the man that why was he still laughing.
The man answered that "when she was breaking the car he had slowly stepped out of the circle."

que)what happens when an elephant fallin the in a pool ans)he will get wet

que)wht do an ant tell elephant and elephant goes in coma ans)i am pregrent with your baby

QUESTION: What did the banana say when the elephant stepped on it? A:Nothing because bananas can't speak,that's so obvious!!!

what will happen if an elephant jump in a swimming pool? it will get wet

why did the ant hidebehind the tree? to trip the elephant.

Q:how do you know that there is an elephant in the fridge ?
A:By the footprints on the butter

once an elephant got hurt. ant was also going with him in the ambulance. why? to donate blood

Ant:What is your age?
Elephant:My age is 5 years.
Ant:Such a young age and such a huge body.
Elephant:Tan Kee Shakti, Man Ki Shakti, Bournvita!!
Ant:Ok
Elephant:What is your age?
Ant:My age is 18 Years.
Elephant:18 years and such a small body looks as if you are very young.
Ant:Fair and Lovely lagao aur apni umar chhupao!!

Once an elephant was in love with an ant.He went to his father with the ant on his palm.He asked his father whether he could marry the ant or not.The father refused by saying that the ant was not of their caste.
On this the baby elephant got very angry and stamped his own hand on the ant present on his palm and said,"I want to marry this ant and only this ant." thereby he killed the ant

: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
ANSWER: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

QUESTION: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
ANSWER: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

QUESTION: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
ANSWER: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

QUESTION: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
ANSWER: An elephant is grey.

QUESTION: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
ANSWER: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

QUESTION: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
ANSWER: Two in the front, two in the back.

QUESTION: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
ANSWER: Squash

QUESTION: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

QUESTION: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

QUESTION: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
ANSWER: The door won't close.

QUESTION: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
ANSWER: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

QUESTION: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
ANSWER: By the footprints in the butter.

QUESTION: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
ANSWER: Wet.

QUESTION: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
ANSWER: One by one.

QUESTION: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
ANSWER: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

QUESTION: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
ANSWER: No, of course not.

QUESTION: Why do elephants live in herds?
ANSWER: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

QUESTION: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
ANSWER: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system"

QUESTION: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
ANSWER: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

QUESTION: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
ANSWER: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

QUESTION: Why are elephants wrinkled?
ANSWER: Have you ever tried to iron one?

QUESTION: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
ANSWER: Because it was dead.

QUESTION: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
ANSWER: It was glued to the first one.

QUESTION: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
ANSWER: It thought it was a game.

QUESTION: And why did the tree fall down?
ANSWER: It thought it was an elephant.

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Valentines Day Jokes Poems

Sexy Love Valentines Love Poems for Him 1:

My Dear Sweetheart,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

Sexy Love Valentines Love Poems for Him

You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Mathematical Love Letter 2:

Dear Sweet Heart,

With reference to the syllabus of my feelings, I want to prove that the locus of my point is directly proportional to your heart. On seeing you, I feel like a triangle with only two angles; the third being you! At times it seems to me that I am a circle without a radius or a matrix without determinants. We are like two simultaneous equations without any solutions.

You never seem to notice that I am a point lying on your vector equation, or in other words, we are collinear. Your smile makes my head rotates 360 degrees anticlockwise and on applying a translation followed by a reflection, finally I get your image. You are like a Venn Diagram with two disjoint sets. You are the hypotenuse of my right angled triangle and on using either sine or cosine; we obtain a real solution.

I tried to deal with you on calculator system but the log system proved to be difficult. The probability of succession is extremely low. My linear programming involves you as an inequality. My letters consist of one question to be answered in one minute. The answer is YES to 3 significant letters!!!

Hoping that the ratio I love you to you love me should at any cost be equal and I prove that the cosine of your left heart is equal to the sine of my right heart <3

Your mathematical Lover.

Mathematical Love Letter 3:

Mathematical Love Letter

Reply by the lover:

Mathematical Love Letter

Mathematical Love Letter 4:

To my Valentine:
Our love is like an irrational equation; it can’t be simplified.
You are a factor of my life.
If we distribute our love, we can be together forever. Together, we make a perfect square.
I love you like a coefficient loves its variable.
You are the square to my root, the solution to all of my equations. The slope of my love for you is ever increasing.
We fit together like coordinates on an axis.
You are the solution to my New Year’s resolution. Our love is a slope that increases with all my hope that is so dope.
I less than three you.

For my love, like pi, is never ending.

Mathematical Love Letter

Mathematical Love Letter 5:

What is love?
Are love can be formulated with trigonometry and integral?
If can, what is his name integrometri love?
Can be solved using Taylor series?
Should the help of Euler and Pascal?
If the result is a complex number that is imaginary?
Or just an irrational real number?

Love is a function of the one who charted my heart to your heart ..
Love it is a set whose members just me and you,
where i is a subset of you and you are a subset of the i ..

I do not want to love us as asymptote or hyperbole ..
Close but I can not touch ..
I want to limit us to close the gap .. The distance our hearts ..

When I am near you, my heart was beating fast as if the graph y = sin 1 / x
Does your heart is the same? I hope so..

I do not want your love like a tree branching in the graph ..
I do not want to love us shackled by Markov chains ..
I admit, my love smallest first vertex point ..
However, my love grow and flourish like a geometric series that diverges ..

I wanted to ask the universe ..
Is there any chance our love will last forever?
How many combinations of love that can be made without you?
Is there a permutation of combinations love me and you?

If I could go back to zero,
I'll tell you,
I love since I know geometry,
because since then I tried to draw the N-dimensional space of the heart,
and will remain unresolved love for Koenigsberg ..
And when one becomes primes, I'll stop loving you ..

Bottom line, I will love you forever ..

Mathematical Love Letter 6:

CHEMICAL LOVE LETTER

Hydrogen,

Dearest Alkali,
The day I saw you, there were sudden Chemical reactions within me involving phenolic and benzoic rings of love. Chemically, it was found that you were the reagent for the reaction. I wanted to convey my feeling that very day but since Aldehyde, Ketone and Ether were with you, I realized that the reaction conditions are unsuitable & you would show Chemical Inertness. So, I had to control the nuclear reactions of my mind using Cadmium rods.If according to first law of Love Dynamics, the following reaction: Heart(Miss Alkali in absolute privacy), Affection can be propagated, then meet me at Ammonium Restaurant, Butyl Road at 5 PM failing which I shall consume a mixture of H2SO4 + HNO3 + CH3COOH + C4H5ClNO3 +(C2H5)4Pb.

Yours Chemically,
Methanoic Acid

Mathematical Love Letter 7:

MATHEMATICAL LOVE LETTER

Quadratic Equation,
Circle Road,
Binomial Junction

Dear Differentiation,
Without you, there is no existence of my functions as they are the basis of our life. Our love is always a Straight Line. There are no limits of our love and it is continuous at every point of life. Our love is so strong that no one can differentiate you and no one can integrate me. Our love is free from Complex Numbers & it is now in a state of Progression and Series. The Probability of getting apart from each other is Nil between us. Our love story is totally based on Intermediate Value Theorem which nobody in this world like FIITJEE, Brilliant, Apex, Bansal or Arihant can explain. OK Darling, Bye.

Yours mathematically,
Integration

Mathematical Love Letter 8:

PHYSICAL LOVE LETTER

Rotation Block,
Newton's Law,
Non-Inertial Frame

Dear -ve charge,
It was a fine morning that I saw you in Physics Lab and a Torque began acting on me, which made me to rotate about your axis. A force of gravity began attracting me towards you. Everytime, day and night, you are oscillating in my mind. But, your strong Electrostatics brother began repelling me. Since the Units and Dimensions were not correct, I avoided talking face to face. One day, I saw him outside my house and an electric shock was produced in me. So, I went in an Inertial frame and tried to integrate your phone number.But, everytime I failed to apply the Limits. You are the light of my life. By Doppler's effect, I feel that you are very close to my heart. Today morning, a Pseudo force was acting on me which compelled me to write the letter. A wave is travelling from you to me. I request you to meet me at Adiabetic Park. Please don't differentiate me. I am in Tension.

Yours Attractively,

+ve charge

Mathematical Love Letter

Mathematical Love Letter 9:

My Dear Love,

The moment your eyes and mine fell in the same straight line, the tangent from your eyes became a perpendicular bisector of my heart.

Fully in line with Newton’s law of gravitational force, the force of attraction you’ve ever since applied on my heart is proportional to the product of your beauty and your intelligence. Surprisingly, the proportionality is not determined by a constant K (as told my Newton), but by a chaotic function f, the nature of which I’m yet to determine. I suspect it’s “you”.

Also unlike gravity, the force (as measured by the stress and strains my heart experiences) is proportional to the square of the distance between us, instead of being inversely proportional to it!

This is a phenomenon which deeply surprises me.

To summarize,

Newton’s Law of gravitation,
mathematical love letterPhoto: Wikipedia
Force experienced by my heart = f X your beauty X your intelligence X r2

r = Distance between you and me

As you’d notice, the proportionality here is not determined by a constant K (as told by Newton) but miraculously, by a chaotic function f, the nature of which I’m yet to determine. I’m calling it “you”.

As a natural result of this force, my heart’s gravitational acceleration should have been –

My heart’s acceleration =( f X your beauty X your intelligence X r2)/mass of my heart

You’d be surprised to know that ever since this force started working on my heart, the mass of my heart has started tending to zero! (The Brownian motions experienced by it leads me to this postulate, as only particles whose mass can be compared to the fluidic medium they’re in – which I assume is gaseous in the case of my heart – can experience it).

As I’m sure you’ve concluded, the acceleration would be tending to infinity!

However, the repelling magnetic field of your silence is applying an opposite force on my heart, thereby creating severe stress.

Believe me, my poor heart is made of brittle material, which is “characterized by the fact that rupture occurs without any noticeable prior change in the rate of elongation”*.

The only solution, as you can clearly see from the above equations, is to switch off your magnetic field by accepting my love, and to reduce the distance between you and me (r) to a fraction, such that my heart can gain some respite from the maddening force and can save itself from a sudden rupture.

Yours truly,

A Mathematical Brain

Mathematical Love Letter

Mathematical Love Letter 10:

Dear Love,

When we met, it was simple. Everything added up. The dimensions upon which we conducted our relationship were real, easy to place. I knew what I was getting into. When this started, it was concrete. Integrally built. Whole. I was young, and back then, so were you.

In high school, we flourished. You opened up to me, and I got a peek at your complexity. I was honored to explore the seeming infinity of your limits. I wanted to learn you. And as I did, I started deriving my understanding of everything from you, started spending my lunch hours with you. Back then we were similar, reflections of the same. Complementary.

When I went to college I decided to keep you a major part of my life. But that first semester we learned that it was different. You started to operate on another plane—one that I couldn’t always envision. You only put forward ifs in those days, and I searched in vain for the thens implicit in your puzzles.

I needed space. I chose to give you a more minor role in my life. But even then, I couldn’t give you up. I just needed a new angle. I thought it would be better for both of us.

Would it be right to call it a transformation? Everything changed, but it was still the same. You provided stability for me, but at the same time I left our visits frustrated by the limits of our understanding. For the sake of my sanity, I started spending the bare minimum of time with you. Whenever I went back to you, I always felt trapped by your uncompromising bounds of differentiation between right and wrong; I felt circumscribed by your rules and laws and divisive philosophies.

The past three years have been variable, radical. We’ve been hyperbolically regressing to the past in hopes of getting close enough to some sort of solution that will touch the present. We reciprocated, but always off-beat. We were a prime function of inequality and division. I complained about you constantly; you responded by turning a cold shoulder to my efforts of reconciliation. If anybody was to blame, it was me. But you wouldn’t do that, either.

Now that it’s over, I can’t help thinking that it’s not. I think back on those late nights we would stay up, solving our problems at a painstakingly slow pace. I fell asleep on you often during those 2 a.m. dorm room trysts, and always awoke to more questions than answers. But it was always, eventually, enough for us. My friends, knowing how I hated you, couldn’t understand how I somehow, despite everything else, loved you. Maybe they were right. Maybe I didn’t need you. Maybe it wasn’t worth the hours I spent Googling how to make things between us work. But when they asked me why I chose to live like this, I knew why. Without you, I wouldn’t write any poetry.

We’re done with the formalities now. We can shake hands and part ways, counting our steps as we walk away. This is when I start to see you everywhere again. Thanks for everything, math. Let’s cross paths again sometime.

Yours in love.

Mathematical Love Letter 11:

Dear Lover,

Our heart is a circle,
Because of its eccentricity is always zero.
I miss you is a circulator,
Over and over again, come to their senses.

We are the parabola, you are the focus, I was quasi-line,
How deep you want me, I read how you have really.
The zero vector can have a lot of direction, but only one length,
Like me, you can have many friends, but there is only one you have, it is worth me to guard.

Life can be sweet or it can be hard, but can not do without you, dry flat,
As the denominator, which can be positive, it can be negative, but can not be without meaning, value is zero.

With you, I am the world’s only infinity
Because any real number, they can not express to you my deep love.

I have feelings for you, just as the natural logarithm e for the end of the exponential function,
Derivation, no matter how much wind and rain, still do not change color, the truth forever.
What is ahead of us, whether a random variable, regardless of how much the variance of the future, I believe that after a trough, the wave crests will be far away?

Your life is my domain, your thinking is my corresponding rules,
Your smile pretty sure that I exist necessary and sufficient conditions for this.
If your heart is the x-axis, and that I was a sine function, Wai you turn, some for a release.

If my heart is x-axis, then you are opening up, Δ is negative parabola, always in my heart.
Every day I bring you surprise and hope,
Like an infinite set for every element, although the inexhaustible, yet each is different.

If we have one day live on both sides of the earth, Zhichitianya,
Then I will follow the great circle through the center of the earth come to your side, even if it is climbing.
If one day we face a straight line separating two different,
Then I will cross the barrier of time and space, to draw a vertical line to you, the public rushing for a moment do not want to stay.
But if one day, we are unfortunate enough to be thrown into the axis of God the two ends of positive and negative infinity, life and death-phase fault,

Does not matter, only require a countdown, we can Xinxin dependencies, always accompanied by.

Mathematical Love Letter 12:

Dear unknown variable x,
The other night when the two hands of my watch were at right angles and the crescent moon’s parallel rays passed tangentially over your scintillating face, I witnessed something that was one of my firsts. I realized my heart pounded at 50% above normal, almost a ton a minute and my eyes were fixated upon yours, as though they have always been parts of a One-to-One function (and probably oblivious of or most likely intentionally ignorant of the possibility of an existing Many-to-One). In a phrase, I fell in ‘love’ with you, at first sight. I don’t know you, nor your name, but know a thing for sure, that this love is pure, as much as the purest sine wave.
Oh dear lady love, what’s your name? Vectoria? Ah, guess not, that’s pretty outdated. Boolea? That’s discomfited. How about Miss. Ellipse Helicoids, the one and only daughter of Dr.Helix Helicoids, the Principle Diagonal Officer of the Rhombus county? Naah. Forget it, after all, what’s in a name, could a Diophantine equation be solved easily just by changing its name? Or can the Fermat’s Last Equation be disproved just by renaming it?
I’ve lost my sleep, my appetite and been thinking just about you from the day I had that glimpse of your near circular face, plane spotless cheeks, flattened sine eyebrows, glossy lips and not to mention, the ‘right’ angles in your body! I wish to be with you like a parallel line forever, wish to be a part of the Venn diagram of your life, intersecting as much possible with the circle of your interests and passion. I promise you we will live happily forever like e^x, let them differentiate us, and we would still stay the same. Wish to transform my life from a singleton set to a universal set, which it would be with you!

In hope of a positive response,

Mathematical Love Letter 13 :

Got your letter. When the Radium dial of my watch glowed to show the time to be ten, read it, letter by letter. Resolving the name issue at the outset, I’m neither Vectoria (not to mention I don’t have a secret) nor Boolea. This is Dr.Neutrina Benzene, physicist and daughter of Dr.Nessler Benzene, the Chemist and the Nobel laureate. Although I find your mail mathematically interesting, I feel, as my dad says, Math and Physics never go well together, they have this ego problem, more akin to waves and photons who forever have tried to establish their supremacy over light.
Having said that, I personally deem that you are not inconvincible, if your letter is any indication, just like the magnetic field strength that can predict the electricity it can generate. I’d love to be the central nucleus of the atom of your life, if you could sway my dad. I have already mailed him your letter , along with a copy of this and waiting for his reply. Meanwhile, I’d wish to meet you personally, to know you better, because irrespective of what we formalize with our theoretical physics, we need experimental physics to corroborate.
Also, let us not be like two parallel lines that never meet. Let the spirit our life be like the speed of light in vacuum, constant and assertive, irrespective of the phase our life would be in.

Regards,

Mathematical Love Letter 14:

A Mathematician Writes A Love Letter

1) We met at the Met Bar. We met because you were killing time, because you were early and your friends were late. I can’t calculate the exact probability of you being early to things because I haven’t tabulated every instance in your life in which you were early or late, but I imagine it is quite low because you were never on time for at least two-thirds of our dates.

2) We met because I came up to you. I never approach strangers unless it is to ask for directions. Before I met you, I would have calculated that the probability that I would come up to you was 0.00 until it actually happened, and therefore I’d calculated wrong. You said to me during the course of our relationship that I could map the human genome but not your heart. I did not really understand this, but I always believed that you generated impulses in me that contravened logic, as evidenced by the fact that I felt no need to correct your erroneous assertion that I could map the human genome.

3) I talked to you because I heard you say on the phone that you were “nostalgic for the future”, and it was the first time I’d ever heard that particular phrase.The odds of you saying those precise words are astronomically low. The odds of you saying something that incited me to approach are higher, although still very low.

4) The drink I saw the bartender pour you was my favorite kind of gin, and so I thought to myself “If I go up to her and say something about how much I like that particular brand of gin, that would be alright. She might not hate that.” The probability that you would be drinking that type of gin is low in general. The Met Bar stocks eight different brands of gin, so the probability of you ordering that particular type of gin is 0.128. (Here is a tangential aside: I have stopped drinking gin, as it reminds me of you. The probability that I will order gin at a bar is now 0, even if gin was the only type of alcohol served at that bar.)

5) There are other reasons why I approached you (such as the curve of your upper lip, the tumble of dark hair on your white shirt-collar, other incoherent reasons) that factor into why I approached you. I cannot calculate the likelihood of these features occurring together in one person with any level of accuracy.

6) I was at the Met Bar because my friend had asked me to choose a bar downtown. Of the hundreds of bars downtown, I immediately thought of six bars. I replied to him, suggesting that we meet at one of the six. The odds that I’d be there that Thursday night, therefore (instead of at the other five), are 0.167.

7) In that first conversation, we both discovered that neither of us believed in destiny but that we both had had a butterfly in a case in our childhood homes. The probability of both growing up with a butterfly on the wall is small. The probability that we would talk about butterfly-collecting in the Met Bar within fifteen minutes of meeting is minuscule. The probability that neither of us believe in destiny is much larger, although I confess that these probabilities make me wonder. My butterfly had a wingspan of 7.5 inches, and had wings of jade and burnt sienna.

8) I’d been waiting by the door because my friend wasn’t there yet. I hadn’t checked my phone yet. If I hadn’t been by the door, I wouldn’t have seen you sitting by the bar. If I had checked my phone, I would have seen that my friend decided to go to a different bar.

9) When you ordered another drink, I was so relieved that I knocked a wet napkin into your lap. When I saw this, I began stammering. You mentioned this later as something that you found appealing. The probability that you would find my gaucheness unappealing cannot be calculated precisely, but anecdotal evidence from my past tells me it is very high.

10) Kolmogorov’s axioms of probability suggest that the probability of a coin landing on either heads or tails is 1, but that the possibility of it landing on neither heads nor tails, is 0. Either I would have met you, or I would never have met you. If I met you, I would have loved you. If I did not meet you, I would not have loved you. I find myself, contrary to all reasonableness, wishing for an outcome in which neither of these events occurred or did not occur. I postulate that the probability that I would be able to heal our relationship is unfeasibly small. In the event that I could heal our relationship, the probability that I would be able to reverse the inexorable progression of time is 0. And yet, I imagine myself defying logic, forever watching, suspended in time, your hair lit by the bar lamps until it appeared to me like a corona. I imagine Probability, against all the rules of probability, as a little demon, one whose life I extinguished long ago so that we could be together in every iteration of the world, every what-if, every universe in which every possible event that occurred was only me loving you.